H’s birthday was the 11th. I was taking a final the next day and submitting papers so I was completely useless and out of sorts. I called him and sang to him at work, but we did nothing else for his birthday. He always had finals during his birthday when he was in school, but it still makes me feel bad. There are things that I think we should do or that I should do that don’t happen or happen in a different way than I had initially intended and it is difficult because it makes me feel like I’m not fulfilling my wifely duties, which is an antiquated concept to say the least.
I wanted to celebrate him and use it all as a grand love gesture, because those are important every now and then, but it didn’t work because I was a stressed out nutter from my finals. Then we went to Iron Man 2 last night, which was really very good, but not an adequate grand love gesture.
Now today, we’re cleaning the apartment because we haven’t given it a good clean in a while because I was studying intensively all weekend long. My parents and sister are visiting next weekend so we have stuff to get prepared. I also tried to invite people out to dinner to celebrate with us tonight, but no dice. I don’t think it is a big deal to him in the long run, but I care about him and would like to help him have a happy birthday.
As a result, I’m 75% sure that I’m a bad wife, at least a little bit.
I found out yesterday that my graduate assistantship project for grad school is being killed. I don’t know if that means the assistantship will be killed too, or if they’ll keep me and find something else for me to do. At the moment I am updating my resume and working on cover letters so I can apply for other funding sources. This has particularly thrown me for a loop because I am such a put together and prepared person. I have my funding. I have my coursework plan. I have everything put together. All of a sudden my nice, neat, little plan went away. I’m not freaking out, but it is not something I am enjoying, given the fact that I am also in the midst of classes with midterms sneaking up on me in a matter of weeks. Just saying the word midterm gives me heart palpitations.
What is ultimately the most frustrating is my lack of control. I cannot control this situation and make it better. I cannot do anything to affect the budget the state gives the library. I cannot make them cut something else over cutting me. I can campaign all I want and put a fight, but that does not mean I will be any more successful or less out of funding come June 30th.
I do have to say though, Husband was so supportive last night. I called him and told him what was going on. He wasn’t upset or anything. He was supportive, saying we could make things work no matter what happens. He even offered to pay less on his student loans in order to keep me from having to quit school. We went and got Chinese food for dinner and were mellow. I was so appreciative of him. He even said, “I am willing to make an investment in you. You are worth more than 9% interest.” I know it should be pretty common sense that I am worth more than 9% interest, but the fact that he is willing to put off paying extra money into student loans and instead investing it in school for me was a sweet thing for him to say he’ll do.
There are articles that talk about how people worry far too often. Some large percentage of what people worry about is completely unnecessary. I sure hope all this worry is unnecessary worrying.
I love my husband. I have loved him for years now. It is just funny how things have changed now that he is permanently living with me. He has picked me up from school twice, which is lovely. We’ve cooked more meals than I have ever cooked alone, which is noteworthy and seem time consuming to me. We have bought groceries I would never have bought three weeks ago. Who needs two packages of roast beef? Apparently he does. I have even taken care of him while he’s had a cold and was being a great big baby. It is funny because all of the things we’ve done have been activities we did before. We cooked. We bought groceries. We took care of one another when we weren’t feeling well. Now, however, now we are doing it as MARRIED people. Weird.
I don’t mind him beside me when I go to sleep every night. I thought I would get sick of him being there every night, but haven’t. I am also glad that he’s willing to help with dishes and laundry and mundane things like that. I’m glad he’ll still give me space when I need to do school work or relax for awhile. Overall, things are going well, if differently than they were before. I’m married. Who knew?
The beginning seems the best place to start. I have been married for four days, which seems like as good a beginning as anything else.
Introductions are in order. I love fiercely, but not easily. I am bold, sometimes brash, and try to be kind, which sometimes takes a lot of work and my mother in my head. I am a graduate student getting my second master’s degree and a lover of many things including books, movies, television series (but only a select few), and my husband. I used to write fairly often, got busy, had to plan a wedding, and missed it when the world died down.
New adventures include marriage, cooking, and spending my evenings with someone else around. My husband is a geeky engineer. He is considerate, kind, and someone who I have loved for just over 4 years. I get progressively less cool and more big bang theory the longer we’re together. I’ve come to enjoy this process. This is a silly little blog for silly little thoughts and maybe some bigger ones.