H and I have had some issues in the last couple months. When we saw each other on weekends or for shorter visits, it was not a necessity that we be effective communicators on a regular basis. As newlyweds and people living together for the first time, we have had to relearn communication as spouses. Neither of us knew our communication skills were broken until they were really broken. We had a few fights that led to some serious talks and as of this week, we’re finally in a better place.
We were never fighters when we dated. We just didn’t fight. If we disagreed they were short and amicable disagreements. We can’t say that we don’t fight anymore because we’ve had a couple doozies (I made up the spelling of that word.) but at the very least, we’re getting through it and coping with the changes that come with living together and being in the same 600 square feet of space on a regular basis.
What it has come down to, is being present and engaged on a regular basis. We love each other. That isn’t news, nor is it something we’ve ever quibbled about. We did not, at least not for the past few weeks, always like each other. I ended up talking to my mom about it and she brought up a story my grandmother used to tell her when she was first married to my dad. My grandma would say that a relationship can’t be 50/50. It has to be 100/100 because both parties have to be oriented and engaged all of the time with full effort.
In the spirit of grandma’s edict, we have been focused on doing activities together. We’ve gone on some walks because there are some great paths right near our apartment. Walking is a great way to force you to talk to each other because it is so quiet. We’ve also been cooking together (like with the stroganoff debacle) and cleaning together. They’re small activities that don’t seem to matter at the time, but they equal both of us being happier, more informed about each other, and getting along better.
It’s ewwy gooey and mushy, but I’m glad for how well things have been going with the change of pace. I look forward to many more days, weeks, and years with H, hopefully liking him most of the time.